Too many photographs untaken.

I have learnt that I am not the sort who goes everywhere with a camera. Most of the days the only camera I can tolerate having on me is my iPhone, and even then I am reluctant to take it out. Most images flash before me and all I want to do is remember them, vividly, with my own eyes. Certainly not with the eyes of a camera, which is eventually artificial and man-made.

Why am I acting like I have something against cameras? Of course I don't. God knows how much I love cameras. There aren't even words to describe the best photographs. I could try but I would fail so miserably. Yet nothing beats being there right in the thick of the action, her skin against yours, the noise in your ears, the heat swallowing you up.

I met a buddhist master recently and I remember, again with the vividness of my own eyes and my own skin, the heat of his office as we sat on the floor, steam rising to smear my glasses. I had many questions about religion and life and death - I still do - but listening to his answers eased some of my anxiety. It's impossible to tell you what he said that day but it's enough that I remember his words.

After our meeting I became interested in bodhi meditation. Or should I say that I have always been drawn to the idea of "meditating", but it was only after our chat that I was propelled to find out more. What drove me was, in a sense, quiet desperation. Like so many people I know I am silently anxious. Optimistic, yes, but undeniably anxious. And somewhat afraid. I am still trying to find out more about what meditation can do, but I hope it will be a fruitful journey.

How did i get from cameras to meditation? That's the problem: the thoughts come and go. That's why i need to meditate, to let my thoughts stay still in one place, so that I am not trying to go everywhere all at the same time all the time.

Stillness and peace.


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