the speed is key. too fast and there is too much danger, too slow and everything becomes too clear, too much in focus. it is speed that we need, but in moderation.

but i just keep getting faster and faster. sitting snug in my car, i begin to gain an understanding of how the roads curve, i begin to sense the degree of the friction between the tyres and the tarred surface of those highway roads, the relative speeds of other vehicles, the subtexts behind each honk, etc. so i keep getting faster. i am surer, i guess, and with surety comes a whole load of other complicated emotions, like the desire to bite off a little more, and then a little more.

one night i drove past an empty field lit by many small globes of lights. there was a narrow road next to it, which was where i was. i stopped for a while, trying to take in all that was before me. the air was tranquil and almost sweet, and i was alone, wishing i didn't have a care in the world. but right at that moment, surrounded by an empty grass field and an almost-empty road, watching the night fall away, many things ceased to matter.

it's moments like this that take my breath away. or maybe i am just prone to such moments. i think of them as being revelatory, as reminders of how sweet life is without all those external material shit. life itself is good enough, but why can't we just stick it in our heads and remember?

is it really so hard to do?